Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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