I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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