dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
