So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
