She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
