Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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