So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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