Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
