Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
