Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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