You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
