You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
