i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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