i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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