I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
