You can't motorboat a personality
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
