Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
