I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
