So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
