Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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