All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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