Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
