tell your sister to shave her snatch
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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