Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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