You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
