Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
