When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
