im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
