peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
