Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
