literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
