Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
