please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
