There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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