Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
