The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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