Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
