you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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