I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
