At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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