I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
