I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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