Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
