Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
