so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
