Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
