Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your penis caused this!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
