i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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