dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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