I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize